My history (or story), when looking back is littered with totally obsessive and compulsive behaviour. As far as Narcotics Anonymous is concerned…I came into ‘the rooms’ via 2 stays at a psychiatric hospital.

At age 30 (Currently 41), my ex-wife and I split up 6 months after the birth of our daughter. This was my doing as I could not handle the responsibility of fatherhood. This I believe is where my troubles began. Prior to leaving my ex-wife I had never taken drugs or drunk alcohol – as I hated the effects and hang overs it gave me. However, I started to ‘go out’ a lot and as I didn’t drink was introduced to GHB (aka liquid ecstacy), which I fell in love with. I loved the effect that I had no problems, everyone was my friend and all my inhibitions were taken away.

I remained single for 2 years before starting a relationship. During this relationship I felt as happy as I had ever felt, still not drinking and not taking drugs other than the occasional serving of GHB. The relationship lasted 9 months, during which I started a new career as a Secondary School teacher. However, as time went on, I found my job really getting me down. It got to the stage where I hated my work and couldn’t wait to get home, where I would take GHB to forget the problems of my daily struggles. Meanwhile my gilfrend was away in University.

One day my girlfriend informed me that our relationship was over, which had a devastating effect on me. I went through a period where I couldn’t eat and became very depressed. I then changed my job and left teaching. Friends of mine who were also now colleagues then introduced me to ‘clubbing’, which was probably the worst thing they could have done.

At first, clubbing was like paradise and heaven rolled into one with the assistance of various chemicals including GHB, amphetamine, cocaine, ecstacy, cannabis and valium. I would go through the weekend, every weekend, on a cocktail of these substances with no sleep. Infact, the only problem I had was surviving Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays.

My drug taking developed. I found that my ‘come downs’ were getting unbearable and becoming worse. I also found that the only way to prevent me from feeling paranoid, depressed and suicidal was to take more drugs, reaching the stage where I was taking drugs 24/7 simply to feel ‘normal’. I needed speed to get out of bed and valium to get in to bed.

In a desperate bid to ‘come off’ drugs I started to drink to assist coping with anxiety. I quickly became unemployed and found that whereas my life used to revolve around drugs, it now revolved around vodka. Then, to enable me to drive I re-started taking speed in the day, followed by vodka in the afternoon and valium at night. This became a cycle that was hard to break.

I came to the point that one day, whilst walking down the road I realized that I was going to die unless I could break this cycle. The problem was that I needed help to break the cycle as I couldn’t physically cope.

During the following 6 months, I desperately tried to get as much help as I could. I was eventually admitted to an ‘open ward’ at the local psychiatric hospital to undertake a one week detox programme. Physically this was successful, however, on release I was sent back out to cope with life without the tools and knowledge that NA has now provided for me. I remained extremely depressed and lonely. It wasn’t long before I returned to drinking and taking drugs in order to anaethetise myself from the daily issues of living, issues that I was not able to cope with on my own.

After a nervous breakdown and more months of addiction, along with more pleas for help, I was made aware of Narcotics Anonymous via a close friend who worked for Social Services – I honestly believe that this was my ‘Higher Power’ at work.

During a 2nd stay at the psychiatric hospital, this time on a detox ward, I first experienced Narcotics Anonymous. I met people who spoke about their experiences. These people motivated me to turn my life around as I wanted all the amazing and wonderful things that they had in their lives.

After leaving the detox unit I started attending as many meetings as I could. I started to see familiar faces and exchanged phone numbers. It was so nice to walk amongst a group of people and be called my name and asked how I was and in return to call them by their names and ask how they were. I felt that I had met new friends who understood me and who had been where I had been. It was like drawing a line under my old life and there was an opportunity to re-find happiness…